i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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