Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He shit in the fireplace
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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