its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
