i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
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