I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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