Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I look excited, but its just a facade.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
