new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
God gave him joint rollers for hands
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
