Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.