Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.