You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM