You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect