He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize