M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.