spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.