just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
It's just like the Real World with babies
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
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tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
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Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage