How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
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Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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