Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
