My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
