O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
