hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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