Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
