Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize