Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
