time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
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What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
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I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
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