Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
