it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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