Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just had sex on a roof
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
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I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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