I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
