I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
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