More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
