Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
