Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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