Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
