i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
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We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
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"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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