When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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