Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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