Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
