i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
His hands were made for my vagina.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
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trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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