There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
If that was your dad, he is hot
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
