I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
