you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
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