there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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