Acid is not a monday night drug
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
