So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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