i need an iv and a liver transplant
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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