Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
