just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
