I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize