He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
