Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
