As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize
