Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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