ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
