Me too!
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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