After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
