its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
