Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
