i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
