I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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