White coat. Heels.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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