There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
