I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize