I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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