Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
